My name is Roberta. I am an indigenous female, born in 1965. I am a survivor of the sixties scoop. I’m the oldest of three. I did not grow up in my indigenous community. I did not know my family until I was in my twenties. I have had many traumas in my childhood and teens due to some abusive foster “caregivers”. For many years I felt like a victim because of the treatment I received in foster care. I rejected all types of counselling until my twenties, because I felt that wasn’t good enough. I’ve worked in Native Child Welfare since my early twenties. I’ve always felt that it’s something I’m supposed to do with my life.
I find my greatest joy at this time in my life is my children. I have three children. My oldest girl is 22, my middle is a boy who is 14, and my youngest girl is 12.
The emotion code that Kara has been guiding me through is very positive and uplifting. The experience I have received is something I never would have thought possible prior to working her. I am feeling more connected to myself and my emotions. I’m beginning to see things differently. My perspective on life is changing. I must say I am looking forward to living my life and not just walking through it.
I felt heaviness in my heart as Kara worked on my pain and tension areas. I was reminded of my early grief. That triggered more memories: earlier memories of losing my grandmother and my father’s grief of losing his mother, and his drunkenness and fighting with his friend. I cried as I remembered and felt it all again, my sadness and fear.
I thought of my children. Their struggles with my grief and the challenges they face and my fierce love for them, and wanting their forgiveness for my wrongdoings to them. And then a huge overwhelming feeling of not measuring up or being good enough, and a profound understanding of my fear of rejection that I carry like a large umbrella overshadowing all of my relationships. After I sat with this awhile, I realized it wasn’t that I didn’t already know this, but it became a deeper understanding and I felt calmer and less tense. My neck and shoulders and belly felt softer, like I lost one of my edges.
I dreamed of my children that night and in the morning I heard from each one of them. They just called to check in and tell me they love me.
It’s not easy to talk about feelings. I was raised in a military family where feelings weren’t important. Deep down I knew this wasn’t true, but still I was programed into negating them. I remember telling my mother many years ago that I couldn’t work for the government as a social worker. There were too many injustices and it made me unhappy. She said “sometimes you just need to put your feelings aside”. I remember replying that “actually happiness was very important to me.”
Now I am practicing the emotion code after years of doing healing work with my hands. What I like about this approach is that it isn’t focused on talking or remembering pain. It is energy work that releases emotional blockages. Repressed memories can stay repressed but the negative energy is gone. It is a completely different approach to healing and I believe that some day we will all be healing each other.
I realize now, that every feeling and every thought we have, affects those around us and even those far away. If we work as conscious beings, living to help others, we can create a world that is safe and loving. There are no limits to healing with love.