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Finding your Way

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Everyone talks about finding your path, being on your path. When you are messed up this seems inconceivable, unrealistic and impossible. First you have to trust yourself. And then, you have to trust the universe. There are layers of reality being played out in our sphere of life at all moments but if we are grasping, suffocating, reeling in pain, we can’t get there. Remember when you felt hopeful and confident that everything would be great? Take a moment and reflect on what that felt like. That is what we need. Hope and faith may seem like luxuries or ideals that are completely dismantled when life goes wrong, but it is exactly what we need to get to the next level.
And it starts with trusting yourself. That you know there is a reason you are here and you have a purpose, a mission to fulfill. In the name of humanity, you are perfect in all your imperfections and there are important things to do.
Without stress, without putting pressure on yourself, know that part of healing is believing things can be better, and believing in yourself. Know what makes you happy and do that! Focus on happiness as the goal, and not the prize. You deserve to be happy.

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Turning to Stone

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You turn to stone. You are frozen, hardened, completely shut down. And now you have to operate in the world as if you are “normal”. Sometimes you feel like screaming, to relieve the pressure. But you don’t. And you can’t talk to anyone about it because you know you have reached a place where it will just make everyone uncomfortable. It’s not a talk about kind of thing. You can search for information en secreto on the internet and maybe find some other lost souls like yourself. That helps. And you wonder if you will ever feel open and trusting and loving again. But for now, you have your protective armor on. And it feels like a stone wall inside you. You’ve gone beyond the point of feeling pain and crying and feeling disappointed. You are done and the world is no longer a safe place to be. It’s hard, and you’re hard. Some people live like this their whole lives. You have seen them in passing. The ones that never smile or make eye contact or have any warmth about them but you don’t want to be like that. It’s not your way. You used to be whole. Now you can’t even be intimate. And if you try, you have to go somewhere else energetically, splintering off. And all you can truly feel is relief once it is finally over. Friends and family are worried about you but don’t know what to do to help. This is going to take some time. Healing is going to take some time. And you are going to have to be very patient and loving and kind with yourself. Be gentle. Rest. Know you can get back to yourself and be whole again.

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Addictions and Abuse Issues

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It’s not something there is a lot of discussion about. Is this because we still haven’t reached the point of acknowledgement of how addictions are connected with abuse and trauma? We numb out to feel pleasure and forget our pain. It only works temporarily though. It doesn’t change anything that happened and if anything, it just makes us feel more ashamed. Its like a deep dirty dark secret that has many layers. And only if we can stop hurting ourselves, can we actually get rid of that dark shadow that never leaves us alone. The shadow that makes us feel dirty and unworthy. Unworthy of love and tainted, we find it easier to ingest something that makes us temporarily not care, then to somehow put ourselves back together. And there are no easy answers on how to put ourselves back together. Therapy sometimes helps, and sometimes makes things worse. We don’t want to inflict our pain on others, it hurts again in a different way. And so we have to pretend. Pretend everything is fine, and that’s where the drugs and alcohol really help a lot. The emotion code offers a completely unique and alternative way for us to heal. It focuses on alleviating the need for self-harm. Because the answer is self love and self care. And you deserve it!

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Predators

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Mostly we live in our minds and yet we are still classified as animals. Since we don’t have to worry very often about being eaten by something bigger than ourselves, we like to think of the world as a safe place. However, there are humans we have every reason to be concerned about. I wish they had some identifying feature so we could see them in an instant and just know we had to get away. Our instinct or intuition can serve us well in certain situations, if we trust ourselves. There are people though that we are forced to interact with because of obligations or social circumstance. Even if we have an inkling of distrust, we have to navigate through these obstacles with confidence and grace. For a child or young person, this is not fair as they don’t have the life experience to have these skills. For an adult in the wrong place and time, there may be no options for safety either. Women naturally have to think about their personal safety and well-being. Even if a woman feels more secure with a man at her side, he isn’t always available. And so the parking space, the route home, the dark hallway, the empty house, the staying too late at a party…she has to have her safety sense ON. Predators tend to look for vulnerable prey but this isn’t always the case. There are people with anti-social personality disorder who thrive on a challenge. The mental manipulation is highly honed and they often are very attractive and charming. Since they lack empathy, the social codes that rule our behaviour are not significant. Child abuse, rape, and other forms of psychological torture of their victims, does not hold the same meaning. Beware. There are more people like this than we think, masquerading as normal people with a conscience. For those of you who have experienced this, you know exactly what I mean when I talk about predators. These are dangerous people that do harm and often are not held accountable because EVIL is not acknowledged in real life. No one wants to talk about that. We just go to the movies. And in the movies, good prevails.