I felt heaviness in my heart as Kara worked on my pain and tension areas. I was reminded of my early grief. That triggered more memories: earlier memories of losing my grandmother and my father’s grief of losing his mother, and his drunkenness and fighting with his friend. I cried as I remembered and felt it all again, my sadness and fear.
I thought of my children. Their struggles with my grief and the challenges they face and my fierce love for them, and wanting their forgiveness for my wrongdoings to them. And then a huge overwhelming feeling of not measuring up or being good enough, and a profound understanding of my fear of rejection that I carry like a large umbrella overshadowing all of my relationships. After I sat with this awhile, I realized it wasn’t that I didn’t already know this, but it became a deeper understanding and I felt calmer and less tense. My neck and shoulders and belly felt softer, like I lost one of my edges.
I dreamed of my children that night and in the morning I heard from each one of them. They just called to check in and tell me they love me.